Foundlings are my tribe. However, my biological father will point out that he didn't abandon me. I was stolen from him. Over the last two decades, I've been fortunate enough to meet or speak with hundreds of foundlings across Canada, USA, Europe and Australia. I've also researched this subject matter for more than 14 years. This subject matter has also been the least studied in the Adoption Community. To read the only formal study done on foundlings, please click here.
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So, what have I learned? There is a lot of work to do in order to be whole and complete, and none of this is our fault. We didn't deserve to be abandoned as innocent babies and children.
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Until a foundling is prepared to be courageous enough to confront the largest wound known to their life, that same foundling will remain stunted, have a lack of insight and/or be challenged by impulsive behaviour and anger. I've also come to learn that most start this work well into their 40's and 50's as they are struck by the loss of adoptive parents, divorce or birth of a new child.
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However, this isn't just specific to foundlings. Many adoptees suffer in the same way. They either tell themselves and other adoptees that their birth story has no weight - or - they dive in without support and personalized therapy and wonder why it all imploded? These two patterns of behaviour have become increasingly normal. If you know a foundling and they tell you their profound loss and disregard for their safety at such a vulnerable time in their life is not important, it is because they have not put importance on understanding how this has has impacted their lives and shaped them as people.
Until commercial DNA products were sold to the public, foundlings (and some adoptees) had chance to find their biological families. We were powerless. Today, I believe that many are not prepared for what they find, as the preparation begins within, and far before the search and reunion. In today's climate when Commercial DNA kits are inexpensive and accessible, there must be more forethought on how to prepare for what may be uncovered.
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